Hey, Mr. Pope.....

Hey Mr Pope, what's the deal with all these pedophile priests?
And why can't you just admit it happened, say you're sorry, tell us it'll never happen again, and what you are doing to keep it from happening again, and then we can move on instead of more cover-ups?
No one is trying to smear you, dude, or your office, but the truth is out there. So fess up.

Oh, and that whole priests can't marry thing, and the whole anti-gay thing your church has going on? Probably want to re-think it.

thanks for listening,
Mr C.

And why are you too gutless to post a reply to clothier's question?

Hello my sons!

So nice you are thinking of me. While I am happy to attempt an answer, please note, I am the dead pope, not the current pope. Check the picture.

I think that the problem of pedophiles in the church is just a reflection of the group of people who become priests. Take any similar group of celibate, largely closeted homosexual men with easy access to young boys and parents who foolishly place trust in such men, regardless of the rather obvious signs of their sexual instability simply because they wear a Roman collar and you'll probably find similar rates of bad behavior.

As to why we try to hide it, I hate to cast stones, but it is those blood sucker lawyers. They'll sue the zucchetto right off my head if we admit anything.

Your advice about the celibacy rule bringing in a certain "type" to the priesthood may hold some water. We are actually in the midst of a marketing campaign. The new ads will feature lots of show tunes and figure skating. We are hoping it will bring in a different crowd.

As for the question from the cured meat fellow, gutlessness has always been a hallmark of those who assume positions of leadership. If I had the spine to tell people what I really thought I'd still be a two bit parish priest in Krakow! I mean do you really think I can speak my mind? Like the whole fish on Friday thing. It is pure nonsense and has been supported for 100's of years by the big fish lobby that works within the vatican. Who do you think paid for that cool new pope mobile?

Well, it was nice to reach out to my flock again. Please be good to each other.

i95 wrote:

pastrami-on-wry wrote:

And why are you too gutless to post a reply to clothier's question?

Fear not my son, I take no offense at such questioning.

Just remind your friend to pack his asbestos depends when he heads for the afterlife.


Hahaha. How I love that hades humor.

Are there Jews in Heaven?

bbqboy wrote:

Are there Jews in Heaven?

I see we have many questions today. This is good, as I have some time. My squash match was cancelled as Pope Pius XII made yet another lame excuse. Tuesday morning is squash day here in Pope heaven.

As to your question, as you probably know anyone who rejects Jesus as the Savior will miss out on salvation and the opportunity to live forever with our God and his son Jesus. So, other than those Jews for Jesus folks, who quite frankly just seem to be hedging their bets, the Jews are out.

Please know this does not mean they will wind up in hell. They will just float about in a kind of nothingness and feel much like one does when they are forced by their wife to go wallpaper shopping.

I hope this helps you decide your path my son.

Pope wrote:

Please know this does not mean they will wind up in hell. They will just float about in a kind of nothingness and feel much like one does when they are forced by their wife to go wallpaper shopping.

So that's why all of the old Jews are in South Florida.

Pope wrote:

i95 wrote:

pastrami-on-wry wrote:

And why are you too gutless to post a reply to clothier's question?

Fear not my son, I take no offense at such questioning.

Just remind your friend to pack his asbestos depends when he heads for the afterlife.


Hahaha. How I love that hades humor.

The asbestos Depends thing makes me especially glad that I didn't say anything harsh like "why don't you drop your rosary beads, get a hold of your balls and confront this mess?".

pastrami-on-wry wrote:

The asbestos Depends thing makes me especially glad that I didn't say anything harsh like "why don't you drop your rosary beads, get a hold of your balls and confront this mess?".

Hahaha. We are all fortunate you didn't say that my son.

But again, I remind you, I am the dead pope. The shit grenade of which you write is someone else's headache now.

Pope wrote:

I think that the problem of pedophiles in the church is just a reflection of the group of people who become priests. Take any similar group of celibate, largely closeted homosexual men with easy access to young boys

I'm a little concerned about this thought process since it seems to draw a line between homosexuality and pedophilia that seems unfair. Are you saying that homos are more prone to pedophilia that heteros?

pastrami-on-wry wrote:

Pope wrote:

I think that the problem of pedophiles in the church is just a reflection of the group of people who become priests. Take any similar group of celibate, largely closeted homosexual men with easy access to young boys

I'm a little concerned about this thought process since it seems to draw a line between homosexuality and pedophilia that seems unfair. Are you saying that homos are more prone to pedophilia that heteros?

Well my son, I fear you are reading to deeply into my words. Please remember this is just casual banter, not an encyclical. All I am saying is that one group of celibate, largely closeted homosexual men with easy access to young boys will act similarly to any other group of celibate, largely closeted homosexual men with easy access to young boys. Whether this means they will engage in deviant behavior or have a game of Parcheesi is not for me to determine.

I hope that clears things up for you my son.

i would think that a celibate, straight male with easy access to young girls would act in the same manner.


insert your own punchline here.

as my band member friends said one(or twice),
"They've gotta have pubic hair to be legal."

clothier wrote:

i would think that a celibate, straight male with easy access to young girls would act in the same manner.


insert your own punchline here.

Well, you didn't hear it from me, but I believe you are right my son.

bbqboy wrote:

as my band member friends said one(or twice),
"They've gotta have pubic hair to be legal."

Hahaha. I love a good sex with minors joke.

How about there has to be grass on the field to play ball.

Hahaha. I hope Pope Pius XII lames out on next week's squash game. This is much more fun.

Pope wrote:

clothier wrote:

i would think that a celibate, straight male with easy access to young girls would act in the same manner.


insert your own punchline here.

Well, you didn't hear it from me, but I believe you are right my son.

So let's get this straight (sorry), you're saying that it's celibacy and not homosexuality that leads to pedophilia.

do you guys have a curling day?

bbqboy wrote:

do you guys have a curling day?

Too much work. We have people to work the brooms here in heaven, and did so in the Vatican as well.

pastrami-on-wry wrote:

So let's get this straight (sorry), you're saying that it's celibacy and not homosexuality that leads to pedophilia.

You seem fixated on this topic my son. Have you ever considered the priesthood?

As they say on those Law and Order shows, it is not just motive, it is opportunity.

Pope wrote:

As they say on those Law and Order shows

Do you have Cable or Dish?

Pope wrote:

bbqboy wrote:

do you guys have a curling day?

Too much work. We have people to work the brooms here in heaven, and did so in the Vatican as well.

well, I was actually talking about your altar boys, but thanks for the answer. Or maybe that's what you meant by brooms.

pastrami-on-wry wrote:

Pope wrote:

As they say on those Law and Order shows

Do you have Cable or Dish?

Both