Facebook status updates I wish I could post

I have taken to the Facebook. Unfortunately, because some of the people from my professional world cross with the people who are real-life friends, I can't always post the status updates that I would like. Right now, mine would be....

Independent George wishes that his lazy-ass, cunt-monkey co-workers would haul their collective fat asses up off their couch and waddle into work one day this week.

Something tells me that might not fly too well with those who either are (a) said lazy-ass, cunt-monkey co-workers; or (b) are the moron(s) who hired said lazy-ass, cunt-monkey co-workers....many of whom have access to the Facebook. So, instead, I will share with you guys.

Thanks for listening.

And, don't do drugs.

Cunt-monkey. I like it.

Anything monkey related works for me though. I interviewed a guy named Cornelius last week. Hired him on the spot on the sole basis of the Planet of the Apes connection. No idea what he said during the interview. I was not paying attention, my mind was already made up.

Independent George wrote:

...lazy-ass, cunt-monkey(s)...

When's your first company softball game?

Independent George wrote:

I have taken to the Facebook. Unfortunately, because some of the people from my professional world cross with the people who are real-life friends, I can't always post the status updates that I would like. Right now, mine would be....

Independent George wishes that his lazy-ass, cunt-monkey co-workers would haul their collective fat asses up off their couch and waddle into work one day this week.

Something tells me that might not fly too well with those who either are (a) said lazy-ass, cunt-monkey co-workers; or (b) are the moron(s) who hired said lazy-ass, cunt-monkey co-workers....many of whom have access to the Facebook. So, instead, I will share with you guys.

Thanks for listening.

And, don't do drugs.

Done. thanks for the new update.

oh, i did have to edit it a bit, i changed it to runt-monkey.

my mom, you know....

laststandchili wrote:

Cunt-monkey. I like it.

Anything monkey related works for me though. I interviewed a guy named Cornelius last week. Hired him on the spot on the sole basis of the Planet of the Apes connection. No idea what he said during the interview. I was not paying attention, my mind was already made up.

back in the day, i hired cashiers based on looks and personality. It only took HR 2 yrs to figure out i didn't care what their experience was, I just wanted them to be hot.

clothier wrote:

laststandchili wrote:

Cunt-monkey. I like it.

Anything monkey related works for me though. I interviewed a guy named Cornelius last week. Hired him on the spot on the sole basis of the Planet of the Apes connection. No idea what he said during the interview. I was not paying attention, my mind was already made up.

back in the day, i hired cashiers based on looks and personality. It only took HR 2 yrs to figure out i didn't care what their experience was, I just wanted them to be hot.

And someone took issue with this?

no, no one did. i just stopped getting the girls who had experience, but no looks to interview, unless, of course, they had a big rack or something.

clothier wrote:

no, no one did. i just stopped getting the girls who had experience, but no looks to interview, unless, of course, they had a big rack or something.

In what was clearly an error in judgement, I was once in a supervisor's position at a large company and responsible...in part...for interviewing and hiring people. We had this un-written rule that is one of the managers was interviewing a good looking woman, and others approved, they would come in and say "I have the data for your project". Oh...forgot to say...this was a research and development lab, and we were hiring scientists, so the level of hotness was pretty low. Anyway, one day this incredibly hot young lady comes in for an interview...I mean...way better than anything we had ever seen coming through the door. As I am interviewing her and almost endless stream of people poke their head in the office to say "I have the data for your project". It got pretty embarrassing after the 15th or 20th one.

I never got a chance to hire this one, as another department got her first.

I got promoted once by promising not to date the bosses daughter.

laststandchili wrote:

Cunt-monkey. I like it.

Anything monkey related works for me though. I interviewed a guy named Cornelius last week. Hired him on the spot on the sole basis of the Planet of the Apes connection. No idea what he said during the interview. I was not paying attention, my mind was already made up.

I think this place is run by Cornholenelius

http://www.roadfood.com/Forums/tm.aspx?m=539913&high=

clothier wrote:

oh, i did have to edit it a bit, i changed it to runt-monkey.

my mom, you know....

You could have gone with "munt-cunkey."

Independent George wrote:

You could have gone with "munt-cunkey."

Hmmmmmmm, munty-fresh!

look dude, you wanted it posted, it's posted. you want it word for word?

put your big boy pants on and post it yourself.

Today's Facebook status....

Independent George provided the tech support lackeys with a good dose of humor today - and learned that when they tell you that you have malware on your computer, it is their own geek code for "stop downloading so much porn." It would such appear that said tech support monkeys did some sort of forensic analysis on the computer to determine the source of the aforementioned gremlin(s) and discovered George's secret. I'm out.

Today's FB status update would be:

Independent George is like fuck you...and fuck her, too.

Independent George wrote:

I have taken to the Facebook. Unfortunately, because some of the people from my professional world cross with the people who are real-life friends, I can't always post the status updates that I would like. Right now, mine would be....

Independent George wishes that his lazy-ass, cunt-monkey co-workers would haul their collective fat asses up off their couch and waddle into work one day this week.

Something tells me that might not fly too well with those who either are (a) said lazy-ass, cunt-monkey co-workers; or (b) are the moron(s) who hired said lazy-ass, cunt-monkey co-workers....many of whom have access to the Facebook. So, instead, I will share with you guys.

Thanks for listening.

And, don't do drugs.

But, since I have revived this thread, I had forgotten about what initially prompted this. Those of you that are on the Facebook know that I actually did post something eerily similar to this about two months ago. Ironically, the week after I posted this, the co-worker who perpetually calls in sick announced that she was pregnant. I was asked if I then felt bad about calling her out for some fake illness, while she was clearly afflicted with....well....being knocked up. Even more ironically, that same co-worker, who I am not sure had worked a full, uninterrupted week in the entire time I have known her has not missed a single day of work.

I guess one could reasonably conclude that pregnancy cures what ails ya.

Independent George wrote:

I guess one could reasonably conclude that pregnancy cures what ails ya.

Now, ain't that some shit.

i95 wrote:

Independent George wrote:

I guess one could reasonably conclude that pregnancy cures what ails ya.

Now, ain't that some shit.

I'm like...fuck you!

Agent 13 wrote:

i95 wrote:

Independent George wrote:

I guess one could reasonably conclude that pregnancy cures what ails ya.

Now, ain't that some shit.

I'm like...fuck you!

I'm pretty sure this was all the result of like...........fuck her, too.

I don't think I say this nearly enough, but I love you guys.

In a heterosexual, quirky, Internet-based relationship kind of way.

Independent George wrote:

......quirky, Internet-based relationship kind of way.

In 2010 is there any other kind of relationship?

Independent George wrote:

I don't think I say this nearly enough, but I love you guys.

In a heterosexual, quirky, Internet-based relationship kind of way.

Me to?